Neglecting self-awareness is a major mistake for anyone to make. It diminishes one’s influence on others and is a sign of low emotional intelligence. While it is disadvantageous for anyone to lack self-awareness, it is especially important for managers and executives to prevent themselves from losing their sense of self-awareness. Often a lack of self-awareness is what keeps managers back from becoming truly effective and actually becoming a genuine leader rather than just a manager. Those who are constantly paying attention to their actions, behaviors, and how they display themselves to others give them a great chance of becoming successful in their organization and in life.

Self-awareness and self-consciousness are separate but related. Those that are self-aware are always analyzing and adapting their behavior for positive outcomes. Those that are self-conscious are always analyzing and adapting their behavior to avoid negative outcomes. One leads to success, satisfaction, and happiness, while the other leads to anxiety, exhaustion, and distraction.

There is a perception out there that people should “be themselves.” To some extent this is true. This is their personality at a deep level. However, if people were truly going to be themselves and throw caution to the wind, than their behavior would most likely land them on the streets or in jail. Self-awareness is a gift to use for advancing one’s life. Used in an honest way, it can benefit others as well. Good leaders are capable of leading their team to success which will benefit all. To become an influential leader that is capable of motivating others, one must use self-awareness.

As the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie advises, dealing with people is one of the most valuable set of skills someone can learn. The world is made up of people and without dealing with people effectively, no one can attain ambitious goals. Dealing with people is also a set of skills that isn’t taught at school so the development of these skills are voluntary and requires extra effort that many aren’t willing to give.

In this set of skills, self-awareness is one of the most important because it allows someone to grow rapidly. It is the analytics of the self. Practicing self-awareness isn’t merely something that is done only at the office, but is something that becomes a part of one’s natural behavior and lifestyle. It is used to improve one’s communication and perception with colleagues, family, and strangers. We look into the pitfalls of neglecting self-awareness and areas where an individual will need to start paying attention to.

Wearing your heart on your sleeves

At the top of the list of behaviors that come from a lack of self-awareness is an open, uncensored display of emotions. This can range from anger, grief, nervousness, and even happiness. People who are not aware of how they display their emotions can be taken advantage of, manipulated, lose influence over others, and be seen as weak. Controlling emotional reactions is as important as any communication skill.

To see this point we can look at an example. A great example of people who do not control how their emotions are displayed to others is small children. They whine, pout, scream, kick, cry, shout, and make quite a scene without any care for how they look to others. They have no idea how they look like to others, nor, does it really matter to them. They are children after all and their behavior, though not always tolerated, is considered normal. When an adult reacts like this during a bad situation, they often display some of the same behavior as these children do but to a lesser extent. While many extreme situations warrant such a display, some adults will display this behavior for very trivial situations which reduces their image to a child. Some of the most embarrassing behavior can be seen when adults whine when they don’t get the celebrity treatment they perceive they are entitled to such as when a waiter makes a small mistake at a restaurant or when their hotel room isn’t to royal standards. Such an emotional outburst made by these adults during these situations, while effective at times (mostly to quiet them up like a child throwing a tantrum), diminishes how other’s perceive their level of intelligence. It’s mainly emotional intelligence which is at stake here.

Emotional, dramatic, and reactive people are hard to communicate with and they usually are unaware of this handicap. This puts up a barrier and hinders the flow of information and ideas between people. It also breeds contempt and lowers respect. Those who aren’t self-aware are clueless to how they look to other people. They often have no idea how their behavior is affecting other people’s perception of them.

In a business setting, this creates an unproductive and ineffective environment for others when a person is not aware of how his or her behavior is affecting others. Often colleagues are clueless of how they react to situations and how they communicate to others. In many ways, it’s lazy and insincere to others to act without being aware of how they are affecting others.

For an example of great control from high self-awareness, look towards great leaders during times of crisis. George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Douglas MacArthur. They are calm, composed, and unaffected by challenges. To them, good news is a sign of progress, and bad news is a sign of a lack of progress and not doom or an excuse to give up. Their reactions prevent their subordinates from getting too excited or too frustrated which will only hinder action and make their decisions ineffective. When a leader shows signs of distress through their display of emotions, this signals to others that there is a terrible situation that is out of control and everything is doomed. Leaders who display confidence in the face of adversity show that they are in control and can bring their team out of harm’s way. Others pick up from this behavior and are willing to follow the instructions of those who are in charge.

Another place to look for people who control displaying emotions is on the silver screen. While many characters are a bit too unrealistic in their Hollywood settings, there are some advantages to mimicking the behavior of actors and actresses who display good self-awareness on screen. They are “acting.” And in the beginning, it’s a good step for you to “act” as well. The term “fake it until you make it” is very valid in this case. Many of the most successful movie actors and actresses must adopt the behavior of strong characters who are a cut above the average person. Being able to do the same will bring results. Incorporating their behaviors step by step into your own will start to pave your way towards better leadership skills. Your self-awareness to maintain these behaviors in front of others will also improve over time.

The best leaders know how to prevent their emotions from showing when facing others. The best way to control how your emotions are displayed is to prevent negative emotions from developing in the first place through meditation and relaxation techniques. Such skills often take a lot of learning and practice and are out of the scope of this article. Still, being able to suppress emotions from showing on the outside isn’t that hard to do and requires little, if any, education.

The first step in using self-awareness to your advantage is controlling your emotional reactions. This simple behavior, once adopted, will help you control how others perceive you and will prevent any negative consequences from arising. In this case, it takes a lot of effort to show a little.

Use self-awareness to elevate your status

Being self-aware can not only prevent the lowering of perception by others, but it can also elevate it to new heights. The level of self-awareness practiced can be imagined on a sliding scale with both positive and negative values corresponding to how much is practiced and how effect a leader will be. Those who practice no self-awareness will be in the negative. Those who practice limited self-awareness will be at zero. To get to the positive side of the scale, self-awareness must become innate to an individual and requires more steps beyond damage control as mentioned previously.

The next step to controlling emotional reactions, is to use self-awareness to raise your status amongst others. One place to start is with nonverbal communication: body language. A self-aware leader knows how they should look like in front of others. They do not slouch, pick their nose, show signs of weakness, or give bad handshakes. They maintain eye contact, give genuine smiles, stand up straight, and initiate action. It isn’t hard to spot high-level individuals as they walk the streets of downtown on their way to the next big business meetings versus low-level individuals as they walk the streets on the way to the local fast food joint. It is the way their walk, dress, stand, face others, and even breathe.

At first, it takes a lot of self-awareness to behave in a high manner but over time it will become natural. Maintaining good body language must be done through discipline and is best practiced 24/7 for maximum effect. You never know when you have an opportunity or will run into your colleagues. It’s best to always be ready for action with the best body language displayed at all times.

Nonverbal behavior to adopt:

  • Slow down your body and head movements
  • Move your body confidently and deliberately
  • Stop fidgeting, shaking, and nervous behaviors
  • Walk confidently and with purpose
  • Keep your head up and back straight
  • Dress and groom well

Again, you can use others as a role model. Choosing a leader or actor/actress that you admire will be a great way to keep you motivated to emulate good behavior. Your self-awareness will allow you to monitor your behavior as you go about your day. Being critical of yourself to a limited degree will be helpful for you to make progress. This is the self-awareness aspect which is useful.

After your body language is mastered and you are aware of how you displaying your nonverbal behavior towards others, you will want to start working on your verbal tactics. The words that you use or don’t use will greatly affect how you are received. Being self-aware will give you the ability to make the necessary adjustments so that you can produce the best possible outcome.

Verbal behavior to adopt:

  • Speak with appropriate loudness, be clear, and slow down your speech
  • Eliminate unnecessary utterances like “umm,” “you know,” “like,” etc….
  • Avoid using “but”
  • Do not give excuses
  • Speak positively
  • Don’t participate in gossip or rumors

This is really just the tip of the iceberg. Once you’ve mastered the basics, it will become easier for you to use your self-awareness to explore new ways you present yourself to others. It is a lifelong process that starts from the foundation of self-awareness.

Techniques to boost your self-awareness

Self-awareness can be improved with effort. Those who give it the most effort will see their self-awareness level increase quickly. One of the best ways to improve is to record situations and behaviors in a journal. Items to record include:

  • What was the situation
  • What emotions were experienced
  • What emotions were displayed
  • What outcome was desired
  • What outcome took place

Analyzing these five items will be a good way to track progress and make adjustments

Another way to improve self-awareness is to get a friend or close colleague to make observations on your behalf and point out issues that you seemed to miss. Not everyone is going to be able to catch everything especially during an emotional event. There are times when stress and anxiety will make people blind to their own actions. Having someone close to observe behavior will be a great way to open up the mind to behavior that needs analysis and eventually can be observed by oneself.

No matter what techniques you use, self-awareness is key to success in dealing with people. Making the effort every day to increase self-awareness will boost performance, satisfaction, and a better life.